Carpe Diem

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We are truly who we are
when we let ourselves feel how we feel
when we feel it

What is wrong with me

I’m letting go.

Letting go of the weights strapped to my ankles

the barbell on my shoulders

the bag filled with bricks on my back

of everything that makes me doubt, and hate, and fear, and cry

I’m forgiving myself 

because no one else is going to do it

and how can you live with someone you’re so angry with

I need to live with myself

I need to love myself again

and so I’m letting go of you. 

And the past

and my mistakes.

They will always be there, 

like a scar

but no more than a faded mark of gentle remembrance

for my benefit

not my destruction and torment 

So cheers to me. 

A toast to myself with myself

the only me i’ll ever have

Everything hurts
My feet my arms my head my heart
All of them
Are being used for the wrong reasons
Energy spent
In the wrong places
Wasting time
On the wrong people

I feel so stupid
And so angry
Angry with myself
Angry with the world
With life
With breathing

I’m just angry
Because words can’t capture what I’m feeling
They don’t ease the dull throbbing of the invisible knife that cuts me into pieces every night
And leaves me to bleed invisible blood
For no one to see
Just for me to feel
It’s all my fault