You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge.
Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone — profusely. But don’t apologize for being who you are."
Do you ever feel that crushing sadness that hurts so badly it feels like all your bones are breaking at once….but they haven’t quite cracked yet. It’s the moment right before everything snaps, that excruciatingly painful time when you feel all the pressure of your life’s pains at once…but instead of it being just an instant, a fleeting moment in time before all the rain comes pouring down, it’s prolonged…and it’s painful to breathe because nothing seems to relieve that pressure. And you feel it.
Relentlessly ripping your insides to shreds as your memories play in your head like a bad film reel…just repeating and repeating until you can’t take it anymore
so you sleep.
And you can sleep it off, sure — but waking up in the morning with that crushing sadness is
hard. Really fucking hard.
I mean, hard to the point where it’s a struggle to get out of bed on the right side.
When it feels like it’s raining in your head, and your heart is so damn heavy from all that water.
Do you ever feel like that?
Yea, neither do I
On Society and social structure:
It’s changing me..I can feel it. At first I rejected it, which is common when people first experience change. But then I stopped fighting it and let it sink in. And I began to see that it’s ok for people live differently from how I’ve lived. And it’s okay to have different values and ideals about how a society should run. And finally, I saw the beauty in this society and how it cares for all its members. It’s really enchanting when you let it sink in.
There is nothing I can say or do to fix this
I never showed it enough
I never acted like I cared
I did though….care. A lot.
Why would you believe me though, after everything
I needed a reality check. No one ever kept me in line
and I just wish you did sooner
because now it’s too late
you’ve sealed what’s good for you
And I don’t blame you
I just wish that sooner
you would have told me
how you felt
about how I acted
so I could have realized how
selfish I am
how draining I am
I needed to wake up.
unfortunately, I woke up in a shark tank
so this is my punishment
I remember the time you tried to teach me how to play the guitar. My fingers were so clumsy and I couldn’t stop laughing
I got so fixated on it…I was so frustrated that I couldn’t just get it.
And you told me that in time I would get it. It just takes practice and patience.
I’m wondering why those two things don’t apply to anything else now
Sometimes I think that if I can just capture
The right moment
With the right words
I’ll be okay
Because I’ll say everything that needs
To be said
That could possibly
Make it okay
But that’s just not
And no matter how many times
I replay it in my head
And no matter how many times
I try and make sense of everything
I can’t explain why
I can’t explain how
But I just don’t want to
Because you wouldn’t like it
And to be honest
I don’t like it
It’s starting to fade anyway
That takes my breath away
And makes my stomach swirl
And prickles my skin like needles
Until I see you
Then it all comes rushing back
Like the feeling you get when you’ve been
And you stand up
And all the blood rushes
In the wrong place
And you collapse
Desperate for breath and gravity
Yet both seem to be escaping you
It’s just me
In this chair
With my cup of tea
That the text in my inbox
Was from you
And the smiles on my face today
Were from you
And my thoughts about you
We’re reciprocated by your thoughts about me
But that’s the funny thing about
Sitting in this chair
Listening to my roommate on the phone
With her boyfriend
I’m just here