Carpe Diem

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We are truly who we are
when we let ourselves feel how we feel
when we feel it

Do you ever feel that crushing sadness that hurts so badly it feels like all your bones are breaking at once….but they haven’t quite cracked yet. It’s the moment right before everything snaps, that excruciatingly painful time when you feel all the pressure of your life’s pains at once…but instead of it being just an instant, a fleeting moment in time before all the rain comes pouring down, it’s prolonged…and it’s painful to breathe because nothing seems to relieve that pressure. And you feel it.

Every

second

of 

the day. 

Relentlessly ripping your insides to shreds as your memories play in your head like a bad film reel…just repeating and repeating until you can’t take it anymore

so you sleep. 

And you can sleep it off, sure — but waking up in the morning with that crushing sadness is

hard. Really fucking hard. 

I mean, hard to the point where it’s a struggle to get out of bed on the right side. 

When it feels like it’s raining in your head, and your heart is so damn heavy from all that water. 

Do you ever feel like that? 

Yea, neither do I



On Society and social structure:

It’s changing me..I can feel it. At first I rejected it, which is common when people first experience change. But then I stopped fighting it and let it sink in. And I began to see that it’s ok for people live differently from how I’ve lived. And it’s okay to have different values and ideals about how a society should run. And finally, I saw the beauty in this society and how it cares for all its members. It’s really enchanting when you let it sink in.



The feeling of emptiness, ever draining to the soul

never leaves me. 



There is nothing I can say or do to fix this 

I never showed it enough

I never acted like I cared

I did though….care. A lot. 

Why would you believe me though, after everything

I needed a reality check. No one ever kept me in line

and I just wish you did sooner

because now it’s too late

you’ve sealed what’s good for you 

And I don’t blame you 

I just wish that sooner

you would have told me

how you felt

about how I acted

so I could have realized how

selfish I am

emotionally 

how draining I am

of kindness

I needed to wake up.

unfortunately, I woke up in a shark tank 

so this is my punishment 

love